I am just trying.

Its not hard to say no, its hard see the hurt on their face they hear it.

Its not hard refuse, but its hard to feel rejection after taste from them.

Its not hard work on your own growth, its hard when they believe its just waste of time.

Its not hard to turn away, but its hard when you know attention is the purest form of love.

Its not hard to be brave, its hard to bear the consequences with their words around.

Its not hard, But it still is.

 

 

 

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It’s easier to stand in this Queue.

I live in a country where a thousands get the same thing done everything.

They say the same thing same problems, unaware of their own reflections.

Some complaining about how difficult it is what was once simple and boring.

How every process is for naught and how the life would be simple without all these formal actions.

I see and I smile, while my feet ache for all the time.

I stood in this Queue and the “that one” from few minutes back.

All I did was view my end game’s map.

I made it through. Though time was boot.

 

I smile as I look back on this day.

 

I compromised my future’s need for today’s cake.

 

Show me your weakness!

I am getting stronger,

not because of the games I win or the success I accumulate.

I have none of it anyways.

But I lose and fail on every step of the way.

Keep tumbling away and regretting my mistakes.

Learning from them was a new lesson.

Letting go after a loss, was painful confession.

But now I take few steps to where I want to go.

Slow and steady, scare to tip and throw.

Afraid of going against the flow.

Trying to make sense of how it will be,

while making amends of what there is.

I am not strong because of all that I have lived through.

I am strong because I am alive and have ready to say,

“Its okay, I have been through.

Give me one more moment, not to stuck at what I am bad at,

Just to try another something simple,

I might just be great at”

Questions arise on the faces of those who love me,

I see my love from them, in the reflection of their irises.

I smile and continue, “I might fail again,

But I will still be happy and alive.” They relax and sigh,

“Thats all we want, in the world of complex,

words and work, You should be your own Pillar.

No matter how badly its taxed.

Someday you will find it was not, all or nothing, my love.

Just another soul with its own universe,

Finding love and creating its own.”

I stand again, ready to go, on this way where there is no snow.

Its okay, its alright! The sun will shine, when the day is bright.

And night sky will come no matter what.

Till I fall asleep lets me find myself a path.

What do you like?

I mean it. When I sit in my room. I feel lost. Its such a mixture of all the things I wanted to be or to do in my past. A beautiful, wonderful and naive past. I am so much more different now. Evolved is the word I would love to use. As Darwin’s theory fills an important imaginative part of my life. I have a question. What do I like? Answer: Nothing.

When People Underestimate Negative feelings.

I am a scared young women. And that is a universal truth for anyone in their late twenties. Today I faced two very important things, one you can’t base what you want on someone else’s life’s time. That is not yours to work with. And secondly, words that are given out as promises or assurances are scary burden to load on your shoulders.
I didn’t give any life saving promises, just that I would wait for 5 minutes. A customer needed a last minute exchange of materials, so that they could complete their said renovation in given time. Both the painters and customers had things that they wanted to move on too. Something a personal experience of mine, makes me empathise with. I am not a very interesting person, but I do make things around me interesting. Choosing to go on a path with very little knowledge usually means, mistakes and lots of them. Think about planning a trip to a beach with making U-trip every given turn. Exhausting isn’t it.  It is! And right now I am exhausted. Why? I have a thousand things without knowing how to do either one of them. Its the worst choice one can make for one’s self. I did, its called over compensating for survivor’s guilt. You need to do more than everyone else. You need to know more, achieve more and live more. How do you do that?

 

I have back-story, who doesn’t. After living on this earth for around 26 years and then some months. I would believe you have less life in you, if you don’t have a back-story. Was that judgemental? Who knows, I am not questioning all my words anymore. But the point is, I love to roam, wander around and return back home. A streak of qualities not appreciated, never valued and often berated in females. Who will take care of the house? Who will cook? Who will complete those little menial tasks that take forever of your life to end. And then they don’t, fix one and ten breaks. I am used to silence, its a quality I have come to be grateful for. Another is faith, and interesting entity it is. Its neither religion nor emotion.

 

Mess

IMG_0952

Clean wall and cluttered floor. So many things I want to do here. Tonight I will do the most important one. Let go!!! Two powerful words, and yet their effect on overall life is devastating. May the picture of it tomorrow morning bring some peace of mind.

#DepressionLetsTalk

Don’t just try and figure out if you are depressed or not, with symptoms listed abound.

Fight to live for another moments, like morning’s bird’s sound.

They talk and sing, whole day around.

But its the silence of dawn, when their sweetness is found.

Wait for it, work hard for it and stay alert for your own happiness.

Its okay to be selfish, if you live another day on your own.

Its okay not to be perfect, if your best if good enough for now.

Its okay to sing a crass song in the shower, if silences the cries of demons inside.

The demons only win, if you live to die.

Death will  come, don’t worry about it, worry won’t change a single fact.

Think about you, this moment and what difference both of those can make.

And do those, even if the worlds trolls and calls you names.

You might not, but they will forget, only remembering when you have made it intact.

Thats when you realise, the scars are beautiful,

Your tears are cleaning your soul, and for whats it worth.

The pain today might or might not make you stronger.

But what you will realise, is that you thought you were surviving the hell on this Earth.

If you loved from heart and gave your-living all, You Lived!

And what matters most, in human life, THAT IS ALL.

 

 

LOVE AND PEACE.

To let live, you need to live yourself first.

How I’m Funding My Adventures Around the World Through Travel Blogging.

Can one truly be free? It’s was great to read your post about surviving and still living.

The Shooting Star

I started 2015 on a private island in Panama, with 150 rupees ($2.5 USD) in my account.

That’s the lowest my account balance has ever been since I quit my corporate job over four years ago. It was just one of those weeks when every single payment I was expecting got delayed. I had no idea how I would pay for my meals and transfers – they didn’t accept credit cards and my alternate debit card wasn’t working – but instead of panicking, I immersed myself in the Nat Geo-like setting of my hideout (think sting rays doing backflips, dolphins swimming with their kids, bioluminescent algae lighting up the waters).

shivya nath panama, how to make money from travel blogging At my private island hideout in Panama.

As luck would have it, by the time I checked out and went to an ATM with my host, one of my payments had *just* come in! PHEW.

The life of a travel blogger (or a freelancer)…

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